"I once read the sentence 'I lay awake all night with toothache, thinking about toothache and about lying awake.' That's true to life. Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about that fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief."

-C.S.Lewis
A Grief Observed.

How apt and true those sentences are. And yet I still couldn't stop myself from thinking, couldn't stop myself from hurting myself, couldn't stop myself from reading and looking at things that will hurt myself. Such irony. Hah.

And yes indeed, Pareto Optimality can never exist in real life. Whether in economics, or just simply, in life.